On Being a Woman

International Women’s Day is right around the corner and I can’t think of a better gift to offer than this piece of awareness that brought me so much liberation and empowerment. We are taught so little about how our bodies and minds function and how to nurture them, that we often work against ourselves without even knowing.

This article is dedicated to all the women out there who want to learn more about their nature. We complain so much about the way men treat us and how they don’t understand us, when we don’t even understand ourselves. But we hold the power to change that for our own sake and for the following generations. What I am going to share with you has helped me in every aspect of my life over the past year.

If you are not a woman, but you’re curious, read on. These ideas might come in handy when you’re interacting with women and, together with the resources I share, can be amazing gifts for the women in your life.

The Backstory

When I was in high school, my girlfriends used to say I am not feminine at all. They would try to convince me to dress up, wear makeup and be more feminine. I started doing it for a while, because I wanted to fit in, but the truth is, all of these outer appearance rituals that were supposed to ‘make me more feminine’ didn’t do much for me. So, I kind of accepted and embraced the idea that I am just not feminine.

Looking back, I think I also grew up internalizing the idea that we are all human and we are all equal, so gender differences are not important. I’m not quite sure how I ended up believing that, but that was the reality in my head. I must have partially denied my feminine identity, because later on in life, it felt weird when people labeled me as a woman. It still feels a bit weird now. 

I mean, yeah, there are some “women things” I have to do (bleed every month), but everything else (wear dresses, make up, have kids etc) was up for questioning. (Yes, I’ve been privileged to live in a culture where I was able to make my own choices. I am definitely grateful for that!) Up to this day, I only do certain “feminine” things at special occasions or when I really feel like it. Wearing a dress or a skirt and doing my hair and makeup don’t necessarily spark my femininity.

Honestly, I never thought there was any specific value in being a woman as opposed to being a man. And why would I? I don’t remember anyone ever explaining to me what it means to be a woman, how my body works and why, how to appreciate and nurture the specific traits of the female body, how to cultivate my feminine energy and why it is valuable. How could I even consider adopting this identity I know so little about?

For a long time, I believed that I needed to study and work hard to have a good life and being a woman had nothing to do with it. I did that for quite a while. I would put myself through crazy amounts of pressure, insane schedules, tons of planning methods, organizing as much as I possibly could so I could handle everything I wanted to do.

I was determined to do well and I was cultivating a lot of discipline. And it definitely served me. I have been able to achieve a lot of wonderful things and cultivate good work ethic. But I also created burnout, anxiety, depression and health problems.

Still, even though I was draining myself, I felt so much guilt that I couldn’t keep up. It was so frustrating. I was doing so much and yet, I wasn’t really getting the results I wanted. I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. This is how I really started exploring personal growth. I looked for tools, perspectives, philosophies that would give me some peace of mind, some relief, something that would help keep me sane, consistent, productive and healthy.

The Turning Point

I learned a lot throughout the years, yet it still felt like I was missing a puzzle piece. I had read lots of books, watched tons of videos and experimented a lot with discipline, habits, consistency and I had set up some wonderful morning and evening routines, activities that I would do daily, weekly and monthly. Yet, somehow, I was still falling short. Things would work out well for a while, but I couldn’t really keep it going consistently.

“We often have such high expectations of ourselves. We believe we should be on the ball all the time – like an elite athlete at the peak of her game – and anything less than that feels just not good enough.”

Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

About a year ago, I found this book that explains the biology of women in a way I hadn’t seen anywhere else before. Reading it was such a liberating experience, because I realized there was nothing wrong with me. If you’ve ever felt like you’re really trying to do well, to be the best you can be, to work smart and regardless of all the effort and balance you try to maintain, you still feel drained and exhausted, let me tell you:

There is nothing wrong with you!

Right after finishing the book, I started writing this article to share the profound revelation I had.  I’m glad I didn’t finish writing it until this year, because I’ve had time to integrate, explore, experience and learn more on the topic in the past year.

Here we go!

Womanhood 101

Biologically, women are wired differently than men (what a surprise, right? 😆). Besides the daily circadian rhythm that influences us regardless of gender, women have another internal clock called the infradian rhythm, which is basically the monthly menstrual cycle. “Yay”, period talk! Bear with me, there’s more to it than that. And if you’re reading this while you no longer have an active menstrual cycle, keep reading. You might understand a lot about what was happening at different points in your life.

The menstrual cycle, which is, really, the source of human life, does more than just help make babies. The influence it has on women’s health and wellbeing goes beyond the perpetuation of the species. It turns out, there are different phases throughout the month in which us, women, have different needs and strengths, based on where we’re at in our menstrual cycle. This internal clock influences women’s metabolism, immune system, stress response and brain health, besides the obvious reproductive system.

Did you know that every phase of your cycle requires certain types of foods and workouts to support your body to function at optimal levels? Before last year, I didn’t. Therefore, if one day, 10 minutes of meditation and a good workout could really be enough to set you up for a successful day and a great mood, on another day, you might need a 30-minute nap and no workout to reap the same benefits. That’s why all of my discipline and repetitive routines have worked against me and led me to exhaustion so many times.

“Our energy is not static day to day and week to week. Our productivity could be completely different depending on where we are in our 28-day cycle.”

Alisa Vitti

Did you also know that most of the research done in the health and wellness industry was done on men and postmenopausal women who obviously don’t go through the changes of the menstrual cycle? All those diets and medical recommendations have very little solid research for women in their reproductive years. Yes, it was eye-opening for me, too. So, if you’ve tried a million diets but still can’t manage your health and weight goals, know that you might have been ignoring an essential part  – the natural rhythm of your body throughout the month.

The biochemistry of a woman’s brain changes up to 25% throughout her monthly cycle. That means there are significant physiological and psychological changes going on that us, women, navigate every month without even knowing. Sure, a lot of us perceive that there is something happening, because we feel different. But for the most part, we can’t put a finger on what it is, unless we learn about it.  Or, we call it PMS, because we learn that’s what happens to women every month. That’s the root cause of it all. Yet, here’s a “revolutionary” perspective:

“Much of what we label PMS is a sign that you’re run down.”

Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

Let’s dive a bit deeper into this infradian rhythm.

The Four Seasons

One of the most important tools that I’ve been using over the past year is tracking the four phases of my menstrual cycle. Learning about my strengths, weaknesses, needs and predispositions and how to support myself in each of these phases is called the Cycle Syncing Method™.

Women go through 4 different phases over the course of a month, which some call the four inner seasons:

_{Source: floliving.com}

1. The Follicular phase – the inner spring (7-10 days after your period)

Basically the beginning of your new cycle, this phase is a fresh start. Your hormones slowly start rising again to prepare for ovulation and you’re starting to gain more energy after menstruation. In this phase, you’re more inclined to try new things, to plan out your month and set intentions.

2. The Ovulatory phase – the inner summer (the up to 4 days in the middle of your cycle)
Your hormones are at an all-time high and so is your energy. This is a phase of feeling outgoing, social, communicative and magnetic and executing on the plans you’ve made in the previous phase.

3. The Luteal (or premenstrual) phase – the inner autumn (the 10 to 14 days between ovulation and your period)
The first part of this phase is still pretty energetic with the hormone levels being pretty high, but then your energy slowly starts going down together with the fall of the hormone levels. Setting boundaries, saying no and taking things slower is critical. PMS usually shows up in this phase, because we push ourselves too hard or we haven’t supported our bodies well enough.

“Have you noticed how life seems to go fairly OK and then suddenly, you hit the premenstruum and out of nowhere you doubt everything. You ask yourself the big existential questions: What’s my life about? Am I on track? Am I really doing what I want to be doing? Am I facing the things I should be facing? Is my relationship working? Or Why am I in this relationship?“

Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

This is also the phase of the inner critic. You might notice all the things that go wrong, everything might seem more irritating than usual and you won’t have patience to deal with everything as easily as in the previous phases. Mihaela Brăilescu, a Romanian women’s coach calls this the ‘no-BS phase’.

An urge to get things done and organize might appear at this point, as well. Check in with the plans you made in the follicular phase and get them done. This is a phase of completion and turning to yourself, so you can gently move into the inner winter.

4. The Menstrual phase – the inner winter (the 3 to 7 days of your period)

Your hormones are at an all-time low and you don’t have much energy. This is an ideal time for rest, evaluation, reflection and looking inward. It is also a time of clarity and heightened intuition, because your brain hemispheres communicate better. Not doing anything (crazy, right?) or doing things really slow is great for this phase.

There are specific foods, workouts and supplements recommended in each of these phases. I won’t go into all the details, but here’s a general guideline. In the first half of your cycle (spring and summer), your metabolism is slower and your body temperature goes up because of the hormonal fluctuations and preparations for a coming pregnancy. Therefore, lighter and raw foods should be satisfying enough, because you don’t need as many calories. Your energy is much higher at this time, so go for more intense workouts like cardio and HIIT.

The second half of your cycle (autumn and winter) is when your temperature goes down, your metabolism starts speeding up (your body doesn’t need to conserve nutrients and energy if you’re not pregnant), so you’ll need warmer and higher caloric meals that have a different set of nutrients to help your body flush out estrogen and maintain healthy weight and energy levels (hence, the cravings you might have around this time of the month). This is a period where you should rest more and do gentler movement.

Ultimately, the purpose of this method is to really make you aware of your cyclical nature and have you experiment with what works for you in each phase. The point is for you to be in tune with your body and listen to it, instead of pushing it to perform the same every single day of the month.

The Revelation

More than 10 years after my high school “femininity attempts”, I am still learning what’s the deal with femininity and womanhood. However, from what I’ve been able to figure out thus far, it is definitely beyond high heels, pretty dresses and fancy makeup. What I have learned about my cycle helped me so much more to tap into my feminine energy than just enhancing my look.

It is normal for my moods to change, for me to feel differently at different times throughout the month. There’s nothing wrong with me. In fact, it’s part of who I am, because oh well, it seems that women are naturally wired to have cyclical natures. I wish I had known this when I learned about my menstrual cycle as a teenager. I wish I could have really understood the impact and the power of it.

“While it’s true that women do change throughout the menstrual month, those changes do not equal unreliability or weakness. In fact, having a menstrual cycle gives a woman much more predictability around her moods and energy than someone without one. And it also gives her a wonderful capacity to work with change – that unalterable fact of life that so many of us resist.”

Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

I grew up believing I had to ‘man up’ every day in the same way, no matter what. It turns out, I can really use my body and its cyclical nature to set myself up for success and not feel like a failure when I feel I need more rest and doing an intense workout feels like torture.

Yet, that’s not to excuse me for my laziness or lack of discipline. It’s really to empower me to know what to focus on in different times of the month. To honor, to accept myself when I fall short from the linear “daily grind”, because I am a cyclical being and my rituals need to adjust to support me and help me be at my best.

“You can do anything at any time during your cycle, but just because you can do it doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Going with your own FLO is where you start to experience your peak state more often.”

Alisa Vitti

Being aware of my body’s cyclical nature brought me a huge sense of liberation. And that’s because I realized it’s my entire body that’s operating in a cyclical way, not just my reproductive organs and hormones. The entire body is subject to the influence of my cycle.

Although it doesn’t happen with ease yet, instead of pushing against my nature, I’m learning how to work with it. Instead of forcing my body to operate in a linear way, I can surrender to the cyclical approach and see amazing results in my health and wellbeing. I can fully be myself.

Now, what?

There is much more to unpack on this topic, way more than a blog article can hold. I think there is a lot that we haven’t been taught about women’s nature, health and wellness.

I would hope that it feels just as exciting and liberating for you to learn about these tools that can help you be healthier, happier and more productive by being in sync with your body and not working against it.

The force of nature has a divine order to it. And we know what happens when we work against it. We see it in the environment today. I believe it is the same when we work against our nature as women – our cyclical nature. It easily turns against us and manifests in ways we wouldn’t really want it to.

“You’ll find simply cooperating with yourself, rather than bullying yourself to be something you’re not, can make you so much more creative, effective and efficient.”

Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

Dear women, I invite you to educate yourself more on this topic and explore what it brings into your life.  I believe it is a real game changer for all the women out there.

Here’s a list of resources to start with:

1. The book In the FLO by Alisa Vitti – a rather scientific approach that goes in depth into the Cycle Syncing Method™

2. The book Wild Power by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer – a psycho-spiritual approach to women’s cyclical nature

3. The book Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes – a rather mystical approach on the wild nature of women

For those of you who speak Romanian, there are some wonderful women sharing resources about this and helping other women tap into their feminine nature. Check them out:

Lia Bolte – Femeia Trezită
Mihaela Brăilescu – Women’s Coach

Everything I wrote about in this article comes from the work of these women and my experience with applying the knowledge they spread. If you share their work, please give them credit.

I’ll end with this:

Waking up to the truth of who you are may place you on a roller coaster of emotions. Give yourself time to digest these insights, and start making changes slowly in your own life.

Alisa Vitti

Happy Women’s Day!

If you enjoyed this article and you believe it could be helpful, please share it with the women in your life!

And tell me about your experiences with femininity and womanhood in the comments! Let’s start conversations around these topics we don’t talk enough about! I’d love to know what other resources you recommend!

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