About Who We Are, Who We Should Be & Everything in Between

Ever since I was little, I remember feeling some pressure to define myself and my future. You’re probably familiar with the question: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ I used to say I didn’t know. Or I just gave a random answer that would always change, just to be left alone and not deal with the question.

Even though I stuck to what my parents said I should do in terms of learning and studying and getting better at whatever I was doing, I never felt I wanted to become a doctor, lawyer, painter, singer, writer and so on. I went from a regular neighborhood school to study music in Arts School. When I was a teenager, my dad wanted me to become a lawyer. I didn’t go for his wishes. I went for mine and got into foreign languages. I stuck to that for like 7 years, and right around the 6th year, it occurred to me that while I love foreign languages and I always will, I’d never want to specialize just in that and I wanted to do other things.

So I started volunteering, then spent my early 20s studying, working and living abroad. I went through all these experiences, which, according to my dad, led me nowhere and were a waste of my time, because, he says, I haven’t done anything in my life. I beg to differ.

Each and every one of the choices I made put me on a path of learning, growing and experiencing the world. The journey I chose for myself immensely shifted my perspective on myself and others and honestly, made me a better and happier human being than I ever dreamed I could be. Sure, according to some people’s standards, my life means nothing. I think I did one amazing thing: I LIVED!

It was when I started travelling about 3 years ago that I realized all I have ever wanted was to live a happy and fulfilled life. I realized that I don’t want to become a lawyer, a painter, a writer, a mother. I want to become the greatest version of myself. I want to be me, all the way. Whatever that means for me.

And yes, that might mean different things at different times. Because me is in constant change. When I was in school, it meant being a good student; in college, it meant having more fun while being a good student :)). And it might mean that at some point in my life, I’ll run a business, or write a book or earn a lot of money or start a family or do whatever I feel like doing. But none of those single things will define me. They can reflect things about me, they’ll be a part of who I am, but not everything I am. None of the choices we make can define us. We are infinite beings. A few words or actions cannot define who we are.

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I stopped defining myself in one word or two or three. I am constantly changing and improving. I live a process of transformation, in which I have the freedom to create myself as I wish, as I feel, as I envision. I am a fluid being. Everything about myself can change. We are not what others label us to be. We are not what we label ourselves. We are constantly changing, whether we see it or not, whether we like it or not.

Let’s take some of this pressure off, and embrace who we’ve become. No matter what anyone says, you have done something in your life! You might have made choices you’re not very happy with, you might have made mistakes, you might not like where you ended up. Forgive yourself and accept that no matter how old you are and what you’ve been through, there’s nothing you can change about it anymore. But you can change what’s coming. You have that blessed opportunity in your life. And you can choose again. Whatever feels right for you in this moment.

I believe we should clarify what happiness and fulfillment is for us right NOW. And we should be aware of the fact that those things change in different periods of our lives because we are fluid beings and we should not chase a fixed trajectory. That just makes us resist our natural tendency. Change is a natural process that happens with or without our intention. Let’s accept it!

And after we do, let’s reflect a little bit on who we want to become. What is it that makes you so fulfilled and happy? What were the moments when you felt most alive? Recreate them. Find that feeling and create yourself in a way that triggers that feeling as often as possible. Experience new things! Even if that means taking a week off to lay in bed, cooking a new dish or visiting a new place. Whatever it is! Sometimes, you can find that feeling in the simplest, most unexpected actions.

I recently watched an interview from The School of Greatness Podcast with Lewis Howes and Robin Sharma — highly recommend it. And Robin said that life comes down to 2 things:

1. ‘Who did you become?

2. How many people did you help?’

So, instead of asking kids ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ or putting even more pressure on them when they grow up to be doctors, lawyers, online entrepreneurs or whatever we think they should beat that age, what would it take for us to ask kids, adults and all humans ‘Who do you want to become in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you enjoy doing? What makes you smile?’ Because those questions can awaken the greatness and humanity in us. That’s what can spark our creativity, joy and realization about who we want to become and become that person.

What would it take for you to ask yourself ‘Who am I? What sparks joy in me? When do I feel alive? Who do I want to become in my life?’ What would it take for you to give yourself the time and space to figure it out instead of letting everyone else define who you should be, what you should be doing at whatever age and put pressure on you to figure things out? What would it take for you to let go of who you are and who you should be and consciously choose to create and recreate yourself every single day?

I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic, if you feel like sharing 🙂

Originally published on Medium